"I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away..."

Okay, so maybe love is too strong a word, but this pretty much sums up what's going through my head right now. Demmet. Not again. Not now.

Ahem. Anyway.

Today was certainly productive. I managed to finish my lesson plans and start on my finals rubric, plus I got to see my cousin who just got out of the hospital. Bought a spankin' new 2gb flash disk after my last one took a dive into the washing mashing (again). What is it with my USB drives and water?

I also discovered that my cat Jaffe is uber scared of strangers, and I found out the hard and extremely painful way. The Siamese furball clawed his way out of my arms and onto my back, where he proceeded to leave a trail of cuts and blood from my right shoulder all the way down to the small of my back. I thought my sister was kidding about the blood on my shirt until I saw it myself. LOL

So yeah, to all you cat owners, trim their nails if you know what's good for you.

It's not as painful as it was this afternoon, but now the scratches are itchy and it's driving me crazy.

Kumusta naman, diba.

Tomorrow's another workday. If my memory serves me right, we only have two weeks (this and the next) until finals. I am so looking forward to the term break, but I have this sinking feeling that I will still be required to go to work. Oh well.

I should probably go to bed. Kaze, wala ba tayong gig jan? I miss playing. :(

What do you do when you feel this strong attraction towards another person, but you know you can't have him/her because of the circumstances?

Yeah. Sometimes I wish I was a rock.

What do you get when you try to be the photographer, floor manager, technical support, and all-around messenger at the same time?

Thigh muscles that are so sore, you wouldn't want to do any kind movement for the next three days.

I'm hoping things will go a wee bit slower in the next few weeks. I miss my time in the faculty. Hahaha.

In other news, my dog Cairo is sick. He's lost his appetite and doesn't run around much, always coughing and vomiting, and I haven't heard him bark in two weeks. I'm really worried, but what can I do? He's old, and as much as I would like to bring him to the vet, I don't have enough money. Maybe I should start preparing myself for the inevitable heartbreak. :(

Another important person I'm concerned about is my cousin Mimi. She's in the operating room as I write this for a D&C procedure because she's been having heavy bleeding for a couple of months now. They need blood, and I would love to give mine (we have the same blood type) but I'm sick with cough and colds. My younger sister tried to donate but she didn't pass the weight requirement. So now I think they're looking at my other cousin to give blood. I just hope all goes well.

Okay, I think this is enough. I resolve to blog at least twice a week. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with my sister's PSP.

Do you notice that whenever I get the chance to actually write something with substance instead of the usual survey asking me if I preferred Coke or Pepsi, I always start with "I haven't written anything in quite a while" and then continue to curse micro-blogging for being a bad influence? Yeah? Well, you're gonna get the same thing today.

It's been a while. Darn micro-blogging.

So what was it that made me come back and write? I really don't know. Maybe it's because I need to rekindle my love for writing before my brain turns into mush. Or I'm waiting for my pictures to finish uploading. Or I need an outlet to express how content and happy and I am right now (yeah, it's kinda cheezy but I like to lay it on thick once in a while) with everything that's been happening. Whatever. I just know that I had this uncontrollable urge to blog.

JOB STUFF

Alrighty. We're in the 4th month of the first semester this school year, and though I'm knee deep in paper work (I was "promoted" to a full time status), I must say that I am really enjoying myself. Sure, I may always look haggard but just seeing the "kiddies" and their eagerness to learn keeps me energized. A good example would be the recently concluded Masscom and Media Arts week. As I've said before (and I don't think I'll ever get tired of saying this), I am so, so proud of them. The exhibit, film fest, seminars, and production were better.

I just got home an hour ago from the MA/MC field trip to the Mowelfund Film Institute in Cubao, QC. ANG LAYO. O_o I know I've been frequenting QC because of the band but this was probably the longest trip to Cubao I've ever taken. Maybe it's was the traffic?

Again, I thought it was better than last year's Wowowee chuva. I learned a lot of useful stuff plus I got to see antique film cameras and editing equipment, costumes, props and awards that make up the history of Philippine Cinema. Plus I didn't need to do any dancing, which is always good.

And just when I thought my hell week was over, here comes the annual college pageant. Yours truly was assigned (again) to the documentation, meaning all I have to do is to take lots and lots and lots of pictures of these gorgeous people. We will be having a photoshoot tomorrow, and I hope it will turn out better than before (I'm not saying last year sucked, mind you. I'm just setting my standards up a notch.)

Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is this: I love these kids. I really do. They may be a little hard on the noggin sometimes, but they have this uncanny ability to say or do something so sweet that appeases you in a couple of seconds. I teach because of them, not because of anything else.

BAND STUFF

(I'm reposting the one I wrote the day after the EP launch last Aug. 01, 2009. It pretty much sums up what I felt at the time and what I still feel now.)

My childhood days were spent listening to the radio and pretending to be in a band. I remember daydreaming about what it would be like to play with my friends in front of a crowd and just letting the music consume me. I imagined that I would feel exhilarated, nervous, confident, self-conscious, and whatever pre-gig emotion you can think of.

Who would have thought I'd actually get to experience this?

Last night was a dream come true. Seeing my friends and family, knowing that they were there for us, hearing their cheers and feeling all their support was absolutely amazing. Never mind the rain, never mind the traffic, never mind the panic, never mind the worry that the bar would collapse with all the people in it, never mind the two years we waited for this to happen. It was all worth it.

And it's all in this 7-track CD.

So to everyone who was at KAZE's "No Reason" EP launch last night, THANK YOU SO MUCH! This was a beginning and an end of sorts for the band, and I am so glad that you got to share this with us. Aylabyoo ol!

As much as I enjoy playing, I will never do gigs for three consecutive days. Shunga shunga mode ako when I got to school in the morning. Hahahaha.

Also, Bri's in Canada now. She'll be there for 6 months (maybe more, hopefully less). In the meantime, FG (Mozzie's guitarist) is filling in for her. He is my guitar mastah. Idol! Idol! Idol!

FAMILY STUFF

Nothing exciting, really. My dad's retired so he's around the house most of the time. We celebrated my sister's 28th birthday at Mexicali in ATC. Cairo, our beloved cow-dog, got sick and it worried me like hell but he's doing better now. My cats are still cute, hahaha. Seven's somewhat sweeter lately, while Jaffe's a lot more playful. Talagang sinugod ako nung isang araw eh. Hahaha.

My grandmother FINALLY went to Mindoro with my parents. See, riding a boat isn't so bad once you stop thinking that it will sink.

Everything's better this year. Aylavet.

Yes, I haven't written anything that resembles a decent blog entry in quite a while. What can I say, Plurk (and miniature blogging) can be a very bad influence. Hahaha.

Seriously though, I couldn't think of anything to write about. My life right now revolves around three things - my job (which I love), my family, and the band. And to be honest, I did not want to write about these things because, well, nothing exciting is happening. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with the way things are going - it's just that I couldn't see anything noteworthy until now.

JOB STUFF

I've been teaching for a year now, and I must say that it is one of the most fulfilling experiences I've ever had. To see your students expressions when they make sense of what you teach, to see them apply what they learned and give you really good projects, to see how grateful and sweet they can be just because you did something as simple as give them a passing grade (okay, so that's not exactly simple), is really something. I don't think I want to stop teaching, even if I do get another full time job. I can always teach on Saturdays. :)

Things have been insane this past week. Lots of shooting, editing, eating, swimming, picture-ing (hehe). Some of my college friends graduated last Friday (aylavyu ol!). There was a party in which myself, a colleague and our boss got invited. The unbearable heat forced me to go to school for the aircon and ended up working on an AVP. I got an award for my performance in school (all the stuff they had me do for the past year didn't go unnoticed after all).

At marami pang iba. I'm just too lazy to recount everything. ^^ Anyway, I'm looking forward to next semester. I wonder what they would have me do next. Hahahaha.

BAND STUFF

Things have been going at a slow pace. We've been so busy with our day jobs that some of us can't find the time to see to things. At least I can concentrate on the layout now that I'm on break, and maybe start a guitar regimen and learn more covers or write more originals.

Oh yeah, I bought a guitar. It's a Squier Vintage Modified Telecaster Thinline. I've been dirt poor ever since. Hahahaha.

FAMILY STUFF

I'm not exactly sure why, when, and how, but my family and I have started having dinner or merienda outside every Sunday (before or after hearing mass), and it usually involved something cold (halo-halo, ice cream, mais con hielo, halo-halo, ice cream...and did I mention halo-halo and ice cream?). Pano naman, ang inet. Kaloka.

I guess that's it. Poof, I'm off.

Highlights, good and bad.

• Lomomanila Soma @ Al's Bar, BF Parañaque
• Getting a Holga 120GN from my sister
• Getting my first godchild, MJ (my cousin Ryan's son)
• "Mini Jelly Pie with Confectioner Whatever"
• Mozzie's "Dried To Pseudo-perfection" Relaunch @ Route196
• Passing my thesis
• JL's despedida
• Lomomanila Caliraya Cookout
• Getting stuck in the school elevator
• Going to Baguio for the first time with Fifi, Sherwin, Helen, Miwa and Bri
• Losing my "trademark" RayBans
• Going to Bicol with Miwa, Bri, and Bri's family
• First gig with Parokya Ni Edgar @ Club Dredd (we had two more after this one)
• Lomomarketmanila Launch @ Neo-Chinatown
• My parents and older sister's trip to Jerusalem (no pun intended) for the 10-day Holy Land Tour
• The family birthday dinners
• The SNG birthday dinners
• Graduation
• Getting a job as a college instructor at Southville
• Two of my college friends gave birth to healthy baby girls
• Mindoro reunion
• Ilocos trip with Kaze
• My older sister's month-long stay in San Fransisco for work
• My older sister's operation
• Benefit gig for Tara Santelices
• First gig with Session Road @ Xaymaca
• Faye's 3-month stay in New York for work (which forced Kaze to go on a hiatus)
• My first time to go to Enchanted Kingdom
• Top Junk anniversary @ Route196
• Kaze's 4th anniversary
• Lomomanila Halloween Party (Kazzie!)
• My paternal grandmother had an ischemic stroke and temporarily lost her memory
• A colleague, Maui, gave birth to a healthy baby boy
• Going to Bolinao with Miwa and Bri
• Southville FSAM Christmas party
• Wii!!
• Gabutero reunion @ Biñan (and meeting my nephew Jacob for the first time)
• Benjie.
• Jaffe (pronounced as "Jafee"), the newest member of our family. He's a 2-month old Siamese cat. :) I will post pictures when I'm not feeling lazy.
• Almost getting my leg blown off by a firecracker. The neighbor's Coke bottle (aka kwitis stand) fell down right after he lit the firecracker, and the thing went streaking towards us while we were busy watching someone else's fireworks and it blew up right beside me. Thank goodness I was wearing jeans and I wasn't hurt.

I don't know if I forgot anything...but what the heck. It was an interesting year, and I hope 2009 will be just as exciting. :) HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I think this is the first time I lost someone close to me that isn't family.

We were childhood friends. We played all sorts of games, went through most of the "phases" (bike phase, roller blades phase, Spice Girls phase, etc.), even joined the community youth organization together. Sure, there were times when we fought but all kids did that and we'd be back to hanging out with each other the next day or two.

I went off to UPLB, he went off to wherever to get a job and pursue a singing career (he was really very talented). But even when we grew older and led different lives, we'd still stop and chat whenever we passed by each other on the street as if the years we hadn't seen each other didn't happen. It's like we were kids again (except the games and phases were out, and alcohol came into the picture. LOL).

I found out about his sickness just last month, when his mother came by to borrow my nebulizer. She told me his health was deteriorating and that he was skinny as hell. That caught me completely by surprise; I had seen him walking on the street on my way home a couple of months back and he looked okay to me. A couple of weeks ago, I found out he was rushed to PGH.

And then last night, my mom told me he was dead. He was only 24.

I'm used to seeing him walking around the village, hearing him videoke his heart out, hanging out with him and a couple of neighbors every December 31 and waiting for the first sunrise of the New Year (a tradition we started a couple of years ago). Though we haven't talked much lately, I know things won't be the same from now on.

Last night, I got to see neighbors I haven't seen in years at his wake. We exchanged stories and relived our experiences and escapades with him - the old BYO days (with the bote-dyaryo drives, garage sales, and all that jazz), Tai Chi with Guru Dada, songwriting at my house, making a mess of "More Than Words" during one village Christmas party all those years ago (this was something I had forgotten, but it all came back thanks to RV, hahaha), drinking at Chemi's house and witnessing Laiza get her ass kicked by the alcohol, watching a Cherry Pie Picache movie at ATC, and the list goes on. I only wish we all met again under different circumstances.

Tomorrow will be a bittersweet New Year's Eve spent with old friends and tradition (in his memory). Rest in peace, Benj. I know you're in a better place. We will miss you.

Pictures were snagged from RV.